Hr Critic Pillows

'I guess our Performance Appraisal system is a little bit 'Old School'.'

"You knew this was a soul-sucking job when you took it."

Suggestions box in a toilet.

"I can't sit down. Don't you remember? I worked my butt off for you."

"Of course we'll give you a choice. Would you prefer to lose your job to outsourcing or to robotic automation?"

"But if you were a real boy you wouldn't be allowed to work such long hours."

I've given you 110 for ten years, like you asked. Now I'm taking that year off that I've earned!

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

"I'm going to send you to someone who's more familiar with the law of the jungle."

-...And we don't discriminate against people of colour. -I've been on the sunbed!

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

Boss: Suggestion Box Bin

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

'You are smarter, faster and more efficient than Carter... they's why I'm making you the new assistant to Carter!'

"Here's your hourly job performance review."

'As you know, Wilson, our CEO screwed up big time, so he was fired and gets a big bonus. But because of his mistakes, you just get fired.'

'Was my salary expectation a bit too high?'

Waste Management.

'If there's one thing I've learnt from being a good manager, it's taking credit where it isn't due!'

"It's the new management structure, the worker's the one at the bottom..."

Who's In Charge Here?

'How can the employees accuse me of running a sweatshop? Don't I let them go home after midnight?'

"I'm trying to find a way to balance your strengths against your felonies."

Suggestion box, one for suggestions and one for 'clean' suggestions.

'He gives his heart and soul to every annual performance review.'

"I hate doing appraisals, it involves thinking about them."

The Buck Stops Here.

'Finally, here's your chance to do something extraordinarily good for our company - quit and start working for the competitor!'

Employer of the month...and every month.

'The shareholders are in an uproar; they demand change. Bob, switch seats with Gerald.'

"Remember unpaid interns are a renewable resource."

"I like your attitude, Peterson!"