Hr Critique Enthusiast Pillows

'Do you believe those idiots in HR screwed up our uniforms again?'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

"You knew this was a soul-sucking job when you took it."

"I can't sit down. Don't you remember? I worked my butt off for you."

Office temperature.

"I'm going to send you to someone who's more familiar with the law of the jungle."

-...And we don't discriminate against people of colour. -I've been on the sunbed!

'Does anyone else have any complaints?'

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

"I have to say candidate two made a very good impression."

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the recruitment and training of new staff to replace the staff we laid off."

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

'You are smarter, faster and more efficient than Carter... they's why I'm making you the new assistant to Carter!'

"I don't make the rules around here. I just enshrine them."

'Was my salary expectation a bit too high?'

"I'm trying to find a way to balance your strengths against your felonies."

'He gives his heart and soul to every annual performance review.'

'Elaine, no interruptions for the next ten seconds please.'

"Good: I see you're fluent in nonsense."

'Your resume doesn't contain a single falsehood or stretching of the truth. Sorry, but you're not what we're looking for in our PR department!'

"Remember unpaid interns are a renewable resource."

'You've impressed the interview panel, but our handwriting analyst has determined that you're insane.'

"Tell us something we don't know."

I'm sorry, but your drug screen results disqualify you as an employment candidate, You see, sample 'A' is a normal brain, sample 'B' is a normal brain on drugs, and sample 'C',,, Well, Mr, Dumpty, sample 'C' is your brain,

'The problem is, you don't take enough pride in your temporary, no benefit, below living wage job!'

'Have you any other references apart from your mother's?'

'Before I read the investment committee's report - I would remind everyone that I never asked to be on this damn committee.'

"Nice and simple. The way a family leave policy should be."

"Your CV is very impressive. We're interested in the person who wrote it."

"Of course the job has benefits - you benefit by getting a paycheck every week!"

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package †major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

'I see by your resume that you're toilet-trained.'

"As long as you insist that we hire executives smarter than you, how about we get ones that smell better, too?"