Workplace Critic Pillows

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

"Your job will be to bang your head against this wall from nine to five each day."

"You knew this was a soul-sucking job when you took it."

'Miss McGalaughterville, sorry to bother You, but I made the list of all the women I intend to sleep with and I'd like You to take look and see if I wrote down Your name correctly...'

Expendable Personnel Office

'My door is always open, Truscott, so don't go near it!'

'Management won't offer equal pay, but they do provide equal blame.'

'The problem is, you don't take enough pride in your temporary, no benefit, below living wage job!'

"Well, since it has become common knowledge that money never makes people happy, we will no longer be giving out any raises."

"As long as you insist that we hire executives smarter than you, how about we get ones that smell better, too?"

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

"Of course we'll give you a choice. Would you prefer to lose your job to outsourcing or to robotic automation?"

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

"This is a company which is going places...."

'Does anyone else have any complaints?'

"And this is our new HR officer in charge of morale..."

"I think you'll like this idea-it's sort of 'dull' meets 'inoffensive.' "

"I don't make the rules around here. I just enshrine them."

No, no, Grok, we love your creative voice! Ort is just here to do a little punch-up.

Who's In Charge Here?

'Looks like Kryson is no longer in the inner circle.'

"It's the new man - he wants to know what the company retirement plan is."

"The boss is the fatherly type. He never fires anybody."

Suggestion box, one for suggestions and one for 'clean' suggestions.

"So...what's the most important thing about working at Auto y Rod Inc.?"

GDP and G&T.

'They no longer take suggestions but they do offer tissues.'

'No, we don't have casual Fridays, but we do have casual Saturdays, for employees who can't finish their work during the regular work week.'

'This is about the poster isn't it?'

Suggestion box paper shredder.

"Remember unpaid interns are a renewable resource."

'The shareholders are in an uproar; they demand change. Bob, switch seats with Gerald.'

"Aw... I'm really sorry you're bored Jenkins. I wonder if I can rekindle your interest with some of this work you should be doing?"

"Call a meeting, Miss Pendleton. I want to hear some Corporate Creole."