Work Culture Critic Pillows

"It's the new man - he wants to know what the company retirement plan is."

"The boss is the fatherly type. He never fires anybody."

"The less I do the more I have control over. I have control of my whole life by doing nothing."

'No, we don't have casual Fridays, but we do have casual Saturdays, for employees who can't finish their work during the regular work week.'

Sign on office wall says: 'Mustn't grumble.' Employee says: 'You have to admit, it's not much of a mission statement.'

'A good boss knows his workers by their names. Look, there are 'Hey Dude', 'Yo Man' and 'Mack' followed by 'Sweetheart' and 'Eh buddy'.'

Spray-on Sweat. Look like you're really working hard!

You were right. Productivity is up since we posted the weekly unemployment figures, as a scroll, on all of our employee computers

Then - 'Employee of the month' Now - 'An employee for a month? certainly, sir'

'In the age of downsizing, internalizing complaints si the new complaining.'

"Don't think of yourself as just a tiny insignificant cock in a vast moneymaking machine, but rather as a tiny cost centre."

"Looks like we found the issue."

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

Spot the difference.

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

Lethal Presentation

"Read our contracts, Ms Donahue. It says 'No Sexual Harassment on the workfloor!'"

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

'The portrait is a mark of his extreme egotism, but, if you curtsy and bow sufficiently...say, 'Oh Yes Sir!'!, to everything he says, you should do OK'

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

"I'm overpaid and underworked, but you don't see me complaining!"

"Leadership is all about knowing who to delegate responsibility for all your mistakes."

"The announcement of the changes really went well."