Office Culture Critics Pillows

'Are you sure you tried hard enough to be on time?'

Job Interview, "This company wants a person who is both ruthless and intelligent but who is also too dumb to want to try for my job."

"I can fit you into a small cubicle on the third floor if you think you can lose twenty pounds."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"We welcome our first female employee - to make you feel more comfortable, we put some feminine hygiene products by the water cooler for you!"

See, Hear, Speak No Evil.

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

21st century water cooler conversations.

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

Boss's Desk Says No!

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

"Rolled-up sleeves, no coat, loose tie...it's my casual confrontational look."

The best financial decision I ever made.

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

'These are job perks.'

'He barks when he sees the boss coming.'

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

"In the old days, we had to constantly feed the screensaver."

"At this office no two days are different."

'The portrait is a mark of his extreme egotism, but, if you curtsy and bow sufficiently...say, 'Oh Yes Sir!'!, to everything he says, you should do OK'

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

Tug of Negotiation and Conciliation.

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

After a day long meeting, the decision, as usual, is made in the hallway.