Modern Work Culture Critic Pillows

'We offer a comprehensive healthcare plan, paid vacation, and a generous pension. Unfortunately, we can no longer afford to pay you a salary.'

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

"I'm overpaid and underworked, but you don't see me complaining!"

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

"That's six 'noes' and one 'aye', the ayes have it"

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

Free Range Employees.

"You've all been working very hard lately, and you deserve some time off. I'm giving you all a two-day membership to time-off.com."

"And this is our new HR officer in charge of morale..."

"When you're nailing the numbers, they don't ask questions."

No, no, Grok, we love your creative voice! Ort is just here to do a little punch-up.

"I think you'll like this idea-it's sort of 'dull' meets 'inoffensive.' "

He's our ideas man. I can never tell if he's working or not.

"Don't forget to rate us on stable-BnB."

"Well, I'm the company sports champion! During the lunch break I ate more hamburgers than any other colleague!"

"Look at them smiling. They've reached their comfort zone."

"I'm a firm believer in distributed leadership. That means that I make all the decisions then you type them up and distribute them to the staff."

Well, we've generated enough hot air...it must be time to cram it in a trial balloon and float it.

"To be honest the culture sucks, but the pay is amazing."

''Benefit of the doubt' was our only benefit and now, the company has sent it offshore.'

'My story's a lot like yours. It all started on 'Bring your pet to work day' a few years ago. I was ready for a change, I liked it here, and I stayed!'

"Can't complain- it's against company policy."

"I decided to treat my employees like friends...now I hate all of them!"

'He always has your back - - - but it's mostly to step on.'

"We added it just for the millenials."

'Looks like Kryson is no longer in the inner circle.'

'Our company hasn't changed much over the years. Most ideas still come from the top.'

"It's the new man - he wants to know what the company retirement plan is."

'In keeping with the company's policy on after-hours availability, he'll be buried with his phone.'

Time Clock.