Hr Enthusiast Pillows

"I can't sit down. Don't you remember? I worked my butt off for you."

"I'm trying to find a way to balance your strengths against your felonies."

"I'm going to send you to someone who's more familiar with the law of the jungle."

"I'm Lance, the H.R. drone watching your every move."

-...And we don't discriminate against people of colour. -I've been on the sunbed!

'Ideally we want you to find us someone with an excellent degree and at least 8 years experience litigation at a magic circle firm.'

'Your resume doesn't contain a single falsehood or stretching of the truth. Sorry, but you're not what we're looking for in our PR department!'

'I forgot to ask her employment history -- I got bogged won in 'distinguishing personal characteristics.''

'He gives his heart and soul to every annual performance review.'

'Please have a kneeler and let's start the interview.'

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

'Careful. You still have that new-employee smell.'

"O.K., all your shot are up to date. Any other qualifications?"

"So how much would you say you drank on an average day?"

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

Businesswoman Empowerment

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"This position has become very important to the company."

"My email is down... talk to me."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'That's our mission statement.'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."