Quirky Hr Enthusiast Pillows

'We're looking for a candidate who is good at handling unexpected situations!'

'Yes, can I help you?'

"I can't sit down. Don't you remember? I worked my butt off for you."

'I'll be honest with you. The pay isn't great.'

-...And we don't discriminate against people of colour. -I've been on the sunbed!

"I'm going to send you to someone who's more familiar with the law of the jungle."

'It's my spare tire. Why do you ask?'

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

'Ms. Moffit, please inform the staff that I have morphed and send in that plump young marketing trainee.'

'The last guy I worked for kept me on a short leash.'

'You are smarter, faster and more efficient than Carter... they's why I'm making you the new assistant to Carter!'

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the recruitment and training of new staff to replace the staff we laid off."

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

The world's most unemployable family

Office supplies - Notebooks, memo pads and rap sheets.

What do you think of the application so far?

"I'm trying to find a way to balance your strengths against your felonies."

'He gives his heart and soul to every annual performance review.'

"Good: I see you're fluent in nonsense."

You don't have to be mad to work here but Mwaaark!

"My heavens, Bentley ... we've found it. A Silicon Valley headquarters without a slide."

'You've impressed the interview panel, but our handwriting analyst has determined that you're insane.'

"I just want to see how you look in a cubicle."

Dexter Flynn, Taxidermy Attorney.

I'm sorry, but your drug screen results disqualify you as an employment candidate, You see, sample 'A' is a normal brain, sample 'B' is a normal brain on drugs, and sample 'C',,, Well, Mr, Dumpty, sample 'C' is your brain,

Exciting suggestion in 'suggestion box'.

'Have you any other references apart from your mother's?'

"Nice and simple. The way a family leave policy should be."

Much to the surprise of all his colleagues, Gavin concluded the lunchtime presentation on company expansion with a rather eccentric song and dance act.

'Careful. You still have that new-employee smell.'

Working from home.

"...I'm available for interview, at your convenience!"

'And what do you do for a living Gary?' 'I'm a Puppeteer.'