Hr Humor Aficionado Pillows

'You've impressed the interview panel, but our handwriting analyst has determined that you're insane.'

'It really hacks me off when people criticise our trainee recruitment process...'

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"And where have you previously moused?"

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

"Here's some of my work for you to do. It should be a refreshing change...for me."

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

"Here's to non-electric sharpeners."

"I can't decide who gets the promotion, so we'll settle it with a rope toy Tug O' War."

'Face it, we're never going to reach a consensus.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

Should not have put that suggestion in the suggestion box.'

'In the computer simulation he said he admired my candor and gave me a raise.'

Suggestions box in a toilet.

"I was going to tell you it's a jungle out there, but I realize that's probably old news to you."

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

...The computer says you can handle 20 more work

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

Batsford doesn't suffer fools gladly.

"It's a shame, excellent recommendations and a superb skill set but lacks the boiling hot all consuming ambition and ruthless desire for self promotion required as head of stationary procurement."

'She finally made employee of the month but she paid the ultimate price.'

'I'll need more than I can spend.'

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'

'It's not fair. Women doing the same job I'm doing in this office are being paid more than I am!'

'I've collected my memos into one reasonably priced gift book.'

"Confounded spell checker... never catches anything."

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

'We're very proud of you, Jenkins. Keep up the good work.'

'Hawaii can wait. These reports cannot.'

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'