Hr Joke Enthusiast Pillows

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the recruitment and training of new staff to replace the staff we laid off."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

Well, I see Wilcox is finally using his head...as a paperweight!

'Yes, can I help you?'

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

'I don't know what he does, but I'm afraid to ask.'

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

Gary misread the new policy on 'Free Thinking' in the work place.

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

'Gerald, it's so nice to see you finally getting closer to your employees.'

'I'll need more than I can spend.'

Indecision and Outrage Trays

"I have to say candidate two made a very good impression."

"I've downloaded an app to hire and fire people."

"Oh, I can be dependable, and for another £200 a week, I can be productive too."

"There's another one of those blokes that work from home."

'The last guy I worked for kept me on a short leash.'

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

Earl suspends his disbelief.

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

'I fetch, but it hasn't helped my career any.'

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

While you were out... the whole office talked about you.

'I wouldn't worry about the retirement plan. You'd have to be out of your mind to work here that long.'

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'Surely you can manage on your salary!'

Office zombie.

"I'm not an intern, I'm a squire. I'm not an intern, I'm a squire..."