Human Resource Enthusiast Pillows

Employment agencies preference for migrant workers.

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

Inclusive speech

"I hate performance review season."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

'These are job perks.'

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

"Have you and Tim picked out a name for the career obstacle yet?"

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

Good Luck!

How are you at decision making?

"I'm Jackson, your new micro-manager."

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

'Yes, can I help you?'

"Your MBA and PHD are impressive but what concerns me is your low number of Facebook friends."

'Who wants to work late again, raise your hands.'

The Department of Mystery - No one really knows who we are or what we do, including us.

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

Woman holds report: 'This has so many different fonts in it, I thougt it was a ransom note.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.