Hr Critic Gifts

'I guess our Performance Appraisal system is a little bit 'Old School'.'

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

"You knew this was a soul-sucking job when you took it."

"I can't sit down. Don't you remember? I worked my butt off for you."

Suggestions box in a toilet.

"Of course we'll give you a choice. Would you prefer to lose your job to outsourcing or to robotic automation?"

"But if you were a real boy you wouldn't be allowed to work such long hours."

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

I've given you 110 for ten years, like you asked. Now I'm taking that year off that I've earned!

-...And we don't discriminate against people of colour. -I've been on the sunbed!

"I'm going to send you to someone who's more familiar with the law of the jungle."

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

"Here's your hourly job performance review."

Boss: Suggestion Box Bin

'As you know, Wilson, our CEO screwed up big time, so he was fired and gets a big bonus. But because of his mistakes, you just get fired.'

'You are smarter, faster and more efficient than Carter... they's why I'm making you the new assistant to Carter!'

'Was my salary expectation a bit too high?'

Waste Management.

'If there's one thing I've learnt from being a good manager, it's taking credit where it isn't due!'

"It's the new management structure, the worker's the one at the bottom..."

Who's In Charge Here?

"I'm trying to find a way to balance your strengths against your felonies."

'How can the employees accuse me of running a sweatshop? Don't I let them go home after midnight?'

Suggestion box, one for suggestions and one for 'clean' suggestions.

Payroll Dept. My economic anxiety has less to do with the weak dollar than the week's dollars! (Published originally on March 14, 2008.)

'Your resume doesn't contain a single falsehood or stretching of the truth. Sorry, but you're not what we're looking for in our PR department!'

"I hate doing appraisals, it involves thinking about them."

'He gives his heart and soul to every annual performance review.'

The Buck Stops Here.

'Finally, here's your chance to do something extraordinarily good for our company - quit and start working for the competitor!'

Employer of the month...and every month.

Puppet workers.

"Remember unpaid interns are a renewable resource."

'The shareholders are in an uproar; they demand change. Bob, switch seats with Gerald.'