Job Loss Commentators Gifts

'My work/life balance is brilliant - I've lost my job and I haven't got a life'

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

Spot the difference.

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

Very Difficult Conversations

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'Yes, can I help you?'

My brilliant career

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

Danger Slow Sand.

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

"Ralph's smart car not only drives better than he does, it also works better. So we fired him and hired the car."

"Wait, you're firing me?! But I was Time magazine’s Person of the Year!"

Between Offices

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"Dear, did something happen at the office?"

I.O.U. one pot of gold.

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

"I was downgraded to junk status at work today."

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

"I used to think" if I don't go to work the world will fall apart. . . but it fell apart anyway."

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

'The golden eggs are great... but I need you to lay a golden parachute.'

St. Elmo's fired.

"You're fired, Withron. I got a terrific deal on a handful of ballpoints."

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."