Job Market Realists Mugs

'Let's enrol on the last one. We've more chance of getting a job doing that these days.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

The Three Wise Queens

"And where have you previously moused?"

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

"This is the World Bank? Somehow, I had pictured it differently."

Depressed Businessman at Office Christmas Party.

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

'Are you picky about preferring something with a livable wage?'

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

"We end our Newscast with a happy story tonight."

Opp'y of a Lifetime

Recession

Someone loses his pension.

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

"...Everyone you meet on the way up, you'll meet again on the way down."

"It has come to my attention that you may have been somewhat less than forthcoming in your résumé."

'I see an applicant being hired!'

'Well, that's simplified the mission statement.'

"I'm not particular, I'll take any job that will replace a human."

'This is the age of specialisation - you can't be a hunter AND a gatherer.'

'Mr Clayton will see you first, Sir.'

'Reinvent yourself, and get back to us.'

"We got him through a firm of headhunters"

'We've replaced the hiring bonus and the health coverage with a promise of a job.'

"Brodkin, now that the economy is creating jobs at a faster than expected clip, why don't you go out and find yourself one?"

"We pay the living dead wage."

US Dollar weakens.

Go to M.I.T., they said. You'll do great things, they said.