Job Realist Mugs

'As you can see, I'm nothing like that person in my resume.'

Lame Childhood Dreams

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"It's a shame, excellent recommendations and a superb skill set but lacks the boiling hot all consuming ambition and ruthless desire for self promotion required as head of stationary procurement."

'Good new. . . we're moving you to a bigger desk!'

"We end our Newscast with a happy story tonight."

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"...Everyone you meet on the way up, you'll meet again on the way down."

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

Someone loses his pension.

'Welcome to the office. . . Someone will be along to remove your self esteem and install your paranoia.'

'Remember Jones, your organs are worth more to us than your intellectual property.'

"This place has a water view if you're looking at the mortgage."

"Ambitions... to retire on full pay and just go fishing."

"Well, you could wish for a new kitchen and a bathroom renovation; or alternatively you could just wish for a less idle husband."

"Good morning - I'm from your bank. We'd like our house back please!"

Go to M.I.T., they said. You'll do great things, they said.

'They had a sale on electric green.'

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

"...I thought I was too smart, too idealistic to end up this way, but LOOK at me! I've become an entrenched bureaucrat!"

"Didn't we have a door over there?"

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

'You suck.'

'With only one sick day left, your boss wishes you a speedy recovery.'

'What happens in the board room stays in the board room, Hawkins!'

Proverbs for Real Life. When one door closes it's probably locked and your key is on the other side.