Jealousy Aficionados Gifts

'No fooling around. I'm a very jealous guy.'

"So, the Scharfs have an atoll. Big deal."

Could you see anything in her? I certainly couldn't! (Man's eyes are popping out of his head).

"Snow White swears by these 10 products for flawless beauty."

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

Two birds sharing a bowl of worms.

"I love that you still call me 'honey'."

It started friendly enough...'I'm Henry VIII, my dear, but you may call me 'Hank'.'

"This says dogs can exhibit feelings of jealousy."

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

Tongue in the ear...

Procrastinators Incorporated

'My thesis was entitled 'Tears of a Clown: Irony or Paradox?''

Antiwar Democrats Get Tough

"These days they prefer to harass me on twitter."

"I didn't say he's dying from choking. I said he's killing us with his joking."

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

Pie chart of pub conversations

'Do you have anything right on the beach, but not so near the water?'

'We're finally in - but how will we get out?'

Geekasaurus.

"It's not what you think."

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

"So. . . how long have people NOT been laughing at you. . . ?"

"Any other bright ideas, Mr. Sex-on-the-Beach?"

"I hate when this happens."

"Inside me there's a juggler struggling to get out."

'I know you're falling for her, but be careful. Remember: Love is blinders.'

Santa Enjoys Venison.

Why clown agents shoul never hide in the WC

'I decided I need something to draw the eye away from my bald patch.'

Love Song of the Baby Boomer.

'Ok lads, this is no laughing matter...!'