Jealousy Commentator Gifts

'I'm Sally, your waitress for tonight, and this is Hugo, my insanely jealous boyfriend.'

"So, the Scharfs have an atoll. Big deal."

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

Could you see anything in her? I certainly couldn't! (Man's eyes are popping out of his head).

"Snow White swears by these 10 products for flawless beauty."

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

'Cartoonist thinking'

"This says dogs can exhibit feelings of jealousy."

'If I thought for one moment that you were identifying...!'

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

Sports Radio in Crisis

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

Carl Shurz's attacks on President Grant are 'Played Out'

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

Tree of Public Opinion.

'Economic Growth' Elephant balancing on top of the world in a circus ring. Accompanied by a 'fat cat' ring master.

"Their bookshelves look more convincingly read from than ours."

And now, for a rebuttal.

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

"As you can see here - slow the tape, guys - these sparks are coming awfully close to the truck's gas tank, an explosive situation indeed..." Every high speed chase needs a color man.

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

The United States of Amazement

"This is gonna be great!"

Chess on TV

"Actually, we will replace you."

"It's not what you think."

Sportscasters on the Savannah

Dear Sadie, How come there never seems to be any penality for pundits who turn out to be wrong all the time?

Americans have been in denial about the cause of mass shootings for a while but it's time to get serious about door control.

Voice of the GOP