Jealousy Philosopher Gifts

"I do count my blessings, but then I end up counting those of others who have more and better blessings, and that pisses me off."

"So, the Scharfs have an atoll. Big deal."

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

Could you see anything in her? I certainly couldn't! (Man's eyes are popping out of his head).

"Snow White swears by these 10 products for flawless beauty."

"This says dogs can exhibit feelings of jealousy."

"Their bookshelves look more convincingly read from than ours."

"It's not what you think."

Caterpillar Paranoia

Jealousy

'No fooling around. I'm a very jealous guy.'

'Wow, a sixty-four arrow quiver with built-in sharpener! I'm so jealous.' (First day at archery school.)

'Oi! Take your eyes off 'im - he's my bitch!'

'Simon! No! We really were just fooling around!'

'They've got everything...one even has it's own shed.'

'Get your hands off my husband.'

"Comparison is the thief of joy, Mittens."

'I want to go to my co-worker's secret vacation spot - it's warm, the sand is silver, and the ocean there is the color of Fred Yomp's eyes.'

'Don't mind him. He's just an 'X' who's jealous of 'U'.'

"Dude - don't believe in all that nonsense you read on the internet."

'The three essentials for any work of art are content, composition, and how envious it makes the neighbors.'

"How the mighty have fallen!"

'How many times have I told you that even if students like them better than you, you can't vaporize substitute-teachers when you return?'

"That's Bill Swenson. He got very big after he left us."

'If'n you don't stop talkin' to my honey, I'm gonna come down and kick the stuffin' outta you.'

'And if I so much as look at another man, he goes ballistic!'

'Okay, so I'll ask someone else to marry me!'

'What if he gets so thin that other women notice him?'

Dog thinking: 'This lap isn't big enough for the two of us.'

Jealous centaur.

"That top isn't very forgiving."

'I'm Sally, your waitress for tonight, and this is Hugo, my insanely jealous boyfriend.'

Excess Baggage: You send emails from exotic places just to make your friends jealous.

"I deliberately let him eat as much as he wants. So now he's too fat to attract other girls."

'I'm not saying my wife is cheating, but she's sure hot to practice CPR on my friends.'