Jealous Lover Gifts

Could you see anything in her? I certainly couldn't! (Man's eyes are popping out of his head).

'What if he gets so thin that other women notice him?'

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

"Snow White swears by these 10 products for flawless beauty."

Senior Jeopardy!

"This says dogs can exhibit feelings of jealousy."

'If I thought for one moment that you were identifying...!'

Fishing Contest

'I understand yours is a highly coveted position in this company.'

"I do count my blessings, but then I end up counting those of others who have more and better blessings, and that pisses me off."

'No fooling around. I'm a very jealous guy.'

'Wow, a sixty-four arrow quiver with built-in sharpener! I'm so jealous.' (First day at archery school.)

Jealous of a statue.

"She's cute, but she's eroding my power base."

"It's too bad you're allergic to nuts."

'Oi! Take your eyes off 'im - he's my bitch!'

'They've got everything...one even has it's own shed.'

'Simon! No! We really were just fooling around!'

'Get your hands off my husband.'

"Comparison is the thief of joy, Mittens."

Upstaging the Dog

'The three essentials for any work of art are content, composition, and how envious it makes the neighbors.'

'Don't mind him. He's just an 'X' who's jealous of 'U'.'

"How the mighty have fallen!"

'I want to go to my co-worker's secret vacation spot - it's warm, the sand is silver, and the ocean there is the color of Fred Yomp's eyes.'

'How many times have I told you that even if students like them better than you, you can't vaporize substitute-teachers when you return?'

"Oh he's just lucky, and a robot."

"That's Bill Swenson. He got very big after he left us."

'If'n you don't stop talkin' to my honey, I'm gonna come down and kick the stuffin' outta you.'

'And if I so much as look at another man, he goes ballistic!'

'Okay, so I'll ask someone else to marry me!'

Dog thinking: 'This lap isn't big enough for the two of us.'

Jealous centaur.

"That top isn't very forgiving."

'I'm Sally, your waitress for tonight, and this is Hugo, my insanely jealous boyfriend.'