Jealous Partner Gifts

'Get your hands off my husband.'

"So, the Scharfs have an atoll. Big deal."

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

Could you see anything in her? I certainly couldn't! (Man's eyes are popping out of his head).

"Snow White swears by these 10 products for flawless beauty."

"This says dogs can exhibit feelings of jealousy."

'If I thought for one moment that you were identifying...!'

"Their bookshelves look more convincingly read from than ours."

Fishing Contest

"It's not what you think."

'I understand yours is a highly coveted position in this company.'

"I do count my blessings, but then I end up counting those of others who have more and better blessings, and that pisses me off."

'No fooling around. I'm a very jealous guy.'

'Wow, a sixty-four arrow quiver with built-in sharpener! I'm so jealous.' (First day at archery school.)

"She's cute, but she's eroding my power base."

'Simon! No! We really were just fooling around!'

'Oi! Take your eyes off 'im - he's my bitch!'

"Comparison is the thief of joy, Mittens."

'Don't mind him. He's just an 'X' who's jealous of 'U'.'

'I want to go to my co-worker's secret vacation spot - it's warm, the sand is silver, and the ocean there is the color of Fred Yomp's eyes.'

Upstaging the Dog

'The three essentials for any work of art are content, composition, and how envious it makes the neighbors.'

"How the mighty have fallen!"

"Oh he's just lucky, and a robot."

'If'n you don't stop talkin' to my honey, I'm gonna come down and kick the stuffin' outta you.'

'And if I so much as look at another man, he goes ballistic!'

'Okay, so I'll ask someone else to marry me!'

"So when, exactly, did you plan on cleaning all this crap up?"

'What if he gets so thin that other women notice him?'

Dog thinking: 'This lap isn't big enough for the two of us.'

Jealous centaur.

'I'm Sally, your waitress for tonight, and this is Hugo, my insanely jealous boyfriend.'

Excess Baggage: You send emails from exotic places just to make your friends jealous.

Cat hissing at laptop computer.