Jealousy Analyst Gifts

"So, the Scharfs have an atoll. Big deal."

"It's not what you think."

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

Could you see anything in her? I certainly couldn't! (Man's eyes are popping out of his head).

"Snow White swears by these 10 products for flawless beauty."

"This says dogs can exhibit feelings of jealousy."

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

Department of Who's Your Daddy?

"Their bookshelves look more convincingly read from than ours."

Lover's leap and Infatuation leap.

'My outer self loves your inner self, but my inner self can't stand your outer self.'

"Surely two people as intelligent as we are can work out some method of falling in love."

'Love is a subconscious recognition of matching neuroses.'

Jealousy

'I understand yours is a highly coveted position in this company.'

"I do count my blessings, but then I end up counting those of others who have more and better blessings, and that pisses me off."

'No fooling around. I'm a very jealous guy.'

"She's cute, but she's eroding my power base."

'Get your hands off my husband.'

'I was not prepared for this!'

'Simon! No! We really were just fooling around!'

'Oi! Take your eyes off 'im - he's my bitch!'

"Are we maximizing our time together or minimizing our efforts?"

"Sorry, but she says she's not interested. She just wants to play the field."

Marriage Guidance - "Do you find that hating each other puts a strain on your relationship?"

"Comparison is the thief of joy, Mittens."

A couple look at a graph on their bed

"How the mighty have fallen!"

'The three essentials for any work of art are content, composition, and how envious it makes the neighbors.'

'Don't mind him. He's just an 'X' who's jealous of 'U'.'

"Mr. Stephenson is the subject of a widely anticipated obituary."

'If'n you don't stop talkin' to my honey, I'm gonna come down and kick the stuffin' outta you.'

"You could add 'Men who say "Ciao!" who are not even Italian or of Italian descent' to that list."

'It's not so much a triangle-more a hexagon really.'