Jealousy Fan Gifts

"How the mighty have fallen!"

Academic Jeopardy ... 'What Was the Maiden Name of Dante Alighieri's Maternal Grandmother?'

"So, the Scharfs have an atoll. Big deal."

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

Hey. Hey. Polly wants some folly.

Could you see anything in her? I certainly couldn't! (Man's eyes are popping out of his head).

"Snow White swears by these 10 products for flawless beauty."

'I hate playing in an inflatable dome during a power outage.'

"This says dogs can exhibit feelings of jealousy."

Stepping on clown's shoe...

'If I thought for one moment that you were identifying...!'

Comedian faces audience of clowns: 'Ooh, tough crowd.'

'What do we do about this online order for 6,000 rounds of ammo, an assault rifle, an automatic handgun and a shotgun?'

Fishing Contest

"It's not what you think."

Federal Employees Annual Easter Egg Hunt: 'This isn't fair - the CIA always wins!'

'I understand yours is a highly coveted position in this company.'

Weather forecast

'No fooling around. I'm a very jealous guy.'

"Yeah, I used to ride a bicycle in the circus, but the gag was that it was way too small for me: kids loved the act..."

"They've always scared the hell out of me."

"I still call it a custard tart but to be honest, it's a dairy free, soy fructose mix, with no nuts."

Clown eating jelly beans.

"She's cute, but she's eroding my power base."

'I think we should thin the herd.'

'Oi! Take your eyes off 'im - he's my bitch!'

"It's too bad you're allergic to nuts."

English supporters - Sometimes, the Germans may misunderstand you!

Comic Relief

I slept funny last night!

"Comparison is the thief of joy, Mittens."

Clown at shoe-shine.

"And last weekend there was an ORANGE hospital clown here!"

"I got a 'puffer fish'."

'The three essentials for any work of art are content, composition, and how envious it makes the neighbors.'