Jealousy Fan Pillows

"How the mighty have fallen!"

"So, the Scharfs have an atoll. Big deal."

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

Hey. Hey. Polly wants some folly.

Could you see anything in her? I certainly couldn't! (Man's eyes are popping out of his head).

"Snow White swears by these 10 products for flawless beauty."

'I hate playing in an inflatable dome during a power outage.'

"This says dogs can exhibit feelings of jealousy."

Stepping on clown's shoe...

'If I thought for one moment that you were identifying...!'

Comedian faces audience of clowns: 'Ooh, tough crowd.'

'What do we do about this online order for 6,000 rounds of ammo, an assault rifle, an automatic handgun and a shotgun?'

"It's not what you think."

Fishing Contest

Federal Employees Annual Easter Egg Hunt: 'This isn't fair - the CIA always wins!'

'I understand yours is a highly coveted position in this company.'

Weather forecast

"They've always scared the hell out of me."

'No fooling around. I'm a very jealous guy.'

"I still call it a custard tart but to be honest, it's a dairy free, soy fructose mix, with no nuts."

"Yeah, I used to ride a bicycle in the circus, but the gag was that it was way too small for me: kids loved the act..."

Clown eating jelly beans.

"She's cute, but she's eroding my power base."

English supporters - Sometimes, the Germans may misunderstand you!

Comic Relief

I slept funny last night!

'I think we should thin the herd.'

'Oi! Take your eyes off 'im - he's my bitch!'

"It's too bad you're allergic to nuts."

"Comparison is the thief of joy, Mittens."

Upstaging the Dog

"I got a 'puffer fish'."

Clown at shoe-shine.

"And last weekend there was an ORANGE hospital clown here!"

'The three essentials for any work of art are content, composition, and how envious it makes the neighbors.'