Jealous Soul Gifts

'I'm not saying my wife is cheating, but she's sure hot to practice CPR on my friends.'

"That's Bill Swenson. He got very big after he left us."

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

Candid Camera store.

"You're new here ... it's customary on dismal Monday mornings to be miserable."

Could you see anything in her? I certainly couldn't! (Man's eyes are popping out of his head).

The most fabulous Gran in the world.

"Snow White swears by these 10 products for flawless beauty."

"How can you expect anyone else to believe in you when you don't believe in yourself?"

'The Saxon King' pub

'Can't you be happy without forever whistling?'

Graffiti Forever!

Fishing Contest

This guy is always upbeat and sees the glass as half full. I like riding home like this at the end of the day. It's nice finishing on an optimistic note.

"It's always a good time to have a good time!"

An old, dancing man holding a steaming cup

"Normally after 365 years we'd be looking at a better figure, but not when you've only worked one day a year!"

"His face may be in the gutter, but his bum's looking up at the stars."

'On the contrary-I quite enjoy that Monday morning feeling!'

'I understand yours is a highly coveted position in this company.'

'Eat in moderation, Drink in moderation. Be merry whenever you want.'

'Constant euphoria is bound to cause some issues.'

Dancing Under The Air Conditioner

How to avoid a heart attack.

"Listen, everybody feels a little depressed around this time of year!"

"She's cute, but she's eroding my power base."

Greece

Jealous of a statue.

"You can't fake throwing sticks this many times and expect to just waltz in here, Mr. Federman."

At a business management library one section is labelled 'self-help' another is 'outsource others.'

'They've got everything...one even has it's own shed.'

"It's too bad you're allergic to nuts."

'Oi! Take your eyes off 'im - he's my bitch!'

A planet like ours - "...you know I'm just playing with you before I kill you don't you?"

"Comparison is the thief of joy, Mittens."