Ironical Athlete Gifts

Perhaps the word 'sports' is too comprehensive.

The Victors

Pete Sampras

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Bobby's pitching coach told him to put some stank on the ball.

Old snowboarder with a zimmerboard.

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

"Must you use the cat's litter box to practice your sand trap swing?"

Rugby - Interesting line-out tactics.

Football Violence

Pole jumper about to land on a giant whoopi cushion.

'Go deep.'

Hot dog.

"My body is a temple... unfortunately it's in ruins"

"Junior, there's more to life than winning. There's also beating the spread."

I'm not just jumping on the bed. I'm perfecting bedspring-cusion calasthentics!

10 reasons why cricket is not a real sport.

"Hmm, offhand, I'd say you have a nasty case of tennis elbow!"

'Flipping the remote and clicking the mouse are his low-impact aerobics.'

'What the . . . no wonder we can't gain any yards. We've been fitted with radio collars...'

"You only get one chance to make a great exhaustion."

"Your serve is basically good, it's just you're doing something funny right at the very end."

'Wow, that's the worst case of tennis elbow I've seen this year!'

"It doesn't matter what the score is. When kids play, they play to learn sportsmanship, teamwork and the benefits of physical activity."

Downhill taxidermy never made it past the trial stages of the Olympics.

Interpretive marathon

Bobsleigh practice.

'What do you mean there's no specific rule that forbids a center fielder from doing that?'

Using a javelin to remove a tooth.

Heimlich's other lesser known maneuver.

Golfer turned Javelin thrower

'Well, there's something you don't see every day.'

'The only time I ever worked up a sweat in there was just then, when I tried to cancel my membership!'

"So he pulls out a 1 iorn, see? I say to him. Bob I says, not even God can hit a 1 iron. Then, there was a flash of light and boom!"