Ironic Athlete Gifts

'I couldn't break 100, so I bought new clubs and took lessons and now I can't break 120!'

2 out of 3 people who buy running shoes don't run in them.

'On your mark...'

"You only get one chance to make a great exhaustion."

The Victors

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Old snowboarder with a zimmerboard.

Keep Fit.

Procrastinators Incorporated

'Are we having fun yet?'

'Go deep.'

"It's all show-as soon as Marks gone he switches off the football and reads Proust..."

Hot dog.

"My body is a temple... unfortunately it's in ruins"

I'm not just jumping on the bed. I'm perfecting bedspring-cusion calasthentics!

"The doctor told him to exercise more, so he jogs to the pub."

'Flipping the remote and clicking the mouse are his low-impact aerobics.'

'This exercise bike's brilliant - it's MOTORISED!'

I bought a pair of running shoes, and haven't seen them since.

Interpretive marathon

"The only way I lost a few ounces with my activity tracker was when I took it off."

'NEW Down hill exercise bike'

'I can't understand why I don't lose weight.. I walk five miles a day.'

"Arlen keeps bragging about running 26 miles. What he fails to tell people is that it took him eight months to do it."

The Gentle Art of Not Running.

'What do you mean there's no specific rule that forbids a center fielder from doing that?'

'The only time I ever worked up a sweat in there was just then, when I tried to cancel my membership!'

"I get lot's of exercise, computer football, computer cricket and computer rugby."

"So he pulls out a 1 iorn, see? I say to him. Bob I says, not even God can hit a 1 iron. Then, there was a flash of light and boom!"

Golfer turned Javelin thrower

'Maybe the idea of a computer tech school football team wasn't such a good idea.'

The Paula Ratcliffe: 'Think I might do the London Marathon next year.'

'I'm sorry, we can't declare you the winner. You have high blood pressure.'

I can't believe it - I've made it again!!!

'Very good, Now ten more reps...and a one, and a two and ...'