Ironic Golfer Gifts

"So he pulls out a 1 iorn, see? I say to him. Bob I says, not even God can hit a 1 iron. Then, there was a flash of light and boom!"

It is best dealt with by the 'Pitch and Run Shot'.

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'You both know the rules -- walk 1 paces, turn, and tee off on each other.'

Gopher underground hit by golf tee.

Helicopter dropping golf balls onto a green.

'Now that should make it a lot easier.'

His golfing career in a long tailspin, PGA pro Andy Pemrick spent his later years as the pro at Happy Time Mini-Putt.

"Swallow the ball and stick the club up your a**e."

'I read that the ball is on the surface of the club for just 0.00035 of a second, so even when you take 100 shots to go around, you are only getting less than 1 second of golf for your money...'

Hole in forty-seven.

'Wait! Better give me the big one.'

Golf Score Reducer

'You know your mother Dave, she's always on my back about something.'

Golf Hil Divot

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

"I enjoy the game so much more since they invented the self-driving ball!"

Dieter Miller veloped the talking golf ball to call out when lost in the rough. But... (ouch, ouch, ouch)

'Did you see a ball come this way?'

"In this situation, I'd suggest a 5-word sentence with an action verb but hold the exclamation mark."

'One of the quickest ways to meet people is to pick up the wrong ball.'

"I've never seen a gimme taken on a fareway before."

Tiger Woods, on his way to his 1st golf tournament.

"You only get one chance to make a great exhaustion."

Golf Myth #293--Ball Washer

'I remember Rod when he used to strike footballs into the crowd!'

'I know Joe's sight isn't all that but the captain's not going to like it.'

TOLD YOU TO TAKE LESSONS FROM GOLF PRO

"... And how much am I bid for this set of, John McEnroe's golf clubs?"

For a $50 payoff, Dwayne would agree not to follow a foursome around all 18 holes.

'I'll be with you in a minute.'

Too many beers at lunch?

Mulligan's first mulligan.

'Hmmm...I think I've figured out why you're slicing...'

'Keep playing like that and you'll strike oil!'