Ironic Romance Gifts

'Hey babe, I got two tickets to the gun show, you interested?'

'Tomorrow we'll look back on this as a night to remember.'

"The moon, the dinner, dancing. How could this night be more perfect?"

"I'll have dessert first."

"OK, well, if you do hear anything, be sure to give us a call."

"You complete me."

'Looks like a love affair gone bad.'

Turkey survivability - 'It's all in being able to put the old fork down and say no.'

Man reading 'Bankruptcy for Dummies'.

'The sun lounge book of melanomas.'

"You'll find all the adult 'Dummies and Idiots' guide books in the children's section."

Gigolo Diary

Success Without Effort

"You know Mike, you're so boring, you're interesting!"

"I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death."

'Personally, I don't see what's so romantic about canoeing.'

"I never appreciated having a cat until I lost my hair."

"Animal Liberation by Peter Singer"

"Harumph. Some 'sailor man.'"

'Edna always wore rubber gloves while reading romance novels.'

"Marriage? Being my unidentified woman companion isn't enough?"

'I thought I'd just crease a few book spines while I catch up on my soaps.'

A man hugs a heart-shaped cactus

"An algorithm matched us as soul mates, and yet it can't suggest a movie we both want to watch."

In Sickness And In Hell

"It's my wife. She understands me."

Book: Reduced - Slightly Damaged

"I'm going to Princeton!"

"Nah, not my type."

"Sorry - we don't stock religious titles in case it offends some of our customers."

'How did you ever get a good conduct medal?'

"Really? And all this time I thought that was our song."

Idiots guide to being an idiot.

'I belong to so many book clubs I no longer have time to read!'

'I love you, but I have to keep moving or I'll suffocate and die.'