Ironic Romance Lover Gifts

"You cheeky little monkey, Stephen, trying to pinch a chip."

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

Bob had to confront his fear of butterflies.

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"Remember that time you tried to kill me?"

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

"Now Playing: One of those Jane Austen movies."

'This should be perfect. The main characters fall in love during a series of explosions.'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"Look! No hands!"

"Call me?"

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"Er – if you young people don't mind, I have a few things to do now. Perhaps you have a hotel or somewhere to go?"

"How do you do it, hon? Marriage, kids, civic responsibilities, managing a multi-million dollar business and still finding time to do an 18-month stretch for securities fraud?"

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

'I'm so bored - nothing ever happens around here!'

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

'This guy loves giving stump speeches. Ironically, they're all against deforestation.'

I'm taking you off trying to stay young.

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"

"It's the dawn of a new era"

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

"Eat my dust!"

Cactus seats.

"Needs to get a life"

'If you exercise you add 10 years to your life.' - 'But I would spend the 10 years exercising.'