Ironic Companionship Gifts

"I never appreciated having a cat until I lost my hair."

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

A Truism's Journey

"OK, well, if you do hear anything, be sure to give us a call."

'Looks like a love affair gone bad.'

'Hey babe, I got two tickets to the gun show, you interested?'

Spilled Ink

"He's my escort, and he's a teddy bear."

"This'll be our first Christmas together."

"It was all that running around town buying diet books that achieved my weight loss."

Writer’s Corner

'Hey, would you mind stirring your Ovaltine somewhere else?!'

Zoology. Cheetahs can reach speeds up to sixty miles an hour! Amazing, and yet they never win!

"You know Mike, you're so boring, you're interesting!"

'Personally, I don't see what's so romantic about canoeing.'

I hope I didn't hear you correctly, Lance. Actually, I hope so too, Gloria.

"It's my wife. She understands me."

'I know you're a deadly sin and everything, but I don't know...I still like hanging around with you anyway.'

A man hugs a heart-shaped cactus

Quick, take a photo - it's her first ironic smile!

"What elephant?"

Cat and Owner Ignore Each Other.

"We talk all the time."

Crackpot watches while women catfight.

"He's head over heels, worships the ground I walk on – kind of annoying."

"You cheeky little monkey, Stephen, trying to pinch a chip."

"i have a premonition that we'll die, so let's just keep things platonic."

Sisyphus Valentine

'Do you mind if Robert here sits in on this session?'

"Of course you know nothing about me, whenever I try to tell you something you fall asleep!"

"I make sure I age my whiskey."

"It's the only way I can get him to come shopping with me."

"And another thing, you never say I look nice."

Happy retirement, Ponsford - and try and resist the temptation to drop in and see us anytime.

'I'm a sucker for money!'