Comical Companionship Gifts

'Hey Harry, you know you've been walking around with a biscuit on your nose for the last two hours?'

Diving Cat.

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

'You had better eat those intestinal organs or there's no dessert for you!'

'You said I should check back with you if I didn't get any better. . .'

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

Yoghurt man

"Listen, and I'll explain it to you again..."

"Welcome to the neighbourhood. I hope you like savory pies."

"I touched another squirrel's nuts. Any other questions?"

'Use a tissue, dear. There's an icicle on your nose.'

"He's my escort, and he's a teddy bear."

Female sock walks away from male sock, saying: 'Look, it's just a trial separation, OK?'

'I'm sick and tired of begging!'

"Honey, could you grab the Bible? I need to double-check something."

"I want to make it with you."

'How did you guess? Of course it's rented!'

Tony's dog always brought him to his slippers.

'You're nuts! It isn't any hotter than usual so quit brining up global warming!'

Why Men Get Angry and Why Women Get Angry

'And they lived happily ever after - well beyond their means.'

"Good morning, world!"

"I never appreciated having a cat until I lost my hair."

"It was meant as a compliment. In my eyes, you're a real pig."

'I see the glass as half-full. Whereas he sees the glass and blames me for the naked man hiding in the closet.'

"I'm your hip replacement."

Couple in front of computer. Screen reads 'Internet shopping with husband'. Husband is huffing, puffing and sighing.

'What fresh hell is this? I just spent 50 grand on hair plugs.'

'It's no good telling me to eat my grees, Mum. You know I'm colour blind.'

'I know you're a deadly sin and everything, but I don't know...I still like hanging around with you anyway.'