Comical Companionship Pillows

'Hey, would you mind stirring your Ovaltine somewhere else?!'

'Hey Harry, you know you've been walking around with a biscuit on your nose for the last two hours?'

Diving Cat.

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

'You had better eat those intestinal organs or there's no dessert for you!'

'You said I should check back with you if I didn't get any better. . .'

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

Yoghurt man

"The secret of our relationship? Easy. She just acts as if I don't even exist."

"Listen, and I'll explain it to you again..."

"Welcome to the neighbourhood. I hope you like savory pies."

"I touched another squirrel's nuts. Any other questions?"

'Use a tissue, dear. There's an icicle on your nose.'

"He's my escort, and he's a teddy bear."

"For all we know, a giant meteor could fall out of the sky and eradicate us all. So what do you say we make a little prehistory together?"

'I'm sick and tired of begging!'

"Honey, could you grab the Bible? I need to double-check something."

Female sock walks away from male sock, saying: 'Look, it's just a trial separation, OK?'

Zoology. Cheetahs can reach speeds up to sixty miles an hour! Amazing, and yet they never win!

"I want to make it with you."

'How did you guess? Of course it's rented!'

Tony's dog always brought him to his slippers.

'You're nuts! It isn't any hotter than usual so quit brining up global warming!'

Why Men Get Angry and Why Women Get Angry

'And they lived happily ever after - well beyond their means.'

"Good morning, world!"

"I never appreciated having a cat until I lost my hair."

"It was meant as a compliment. In my eyes, you're a real pig."

'I see the glass as half-full. Whereas he sees the glass and blames me for the naked man hiding in the closet.'

"You bring the tequila, and I'll bring the Lyme."

Couple in front of computer. Screen reads 'Internet shopping with husband'. Husband is huffing, puffing and sighing.

"I'm your hip replacement."

'What fresh hell is this? I just spent 50 grand on hair plugs.'

'Your father told you to look both ways when crossing a four lane highway?'

'It's no good telling me to eat my grees, Mum. You know I'm colour blind.'