Comedy Companion Pillows

'Hey Harry, you know you've been walking around with a biscuit on your nose for the last two hours?'

Stand-up Romcom

Diving Cat.

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

'You had better eat those intestinal organs or there's no dessert for you!'

'If you're going to marry this geek, I suggest you get the extended warranty.'

'You said I should check back with you if I didn't get any better. . .'

Yoghurt man

"Listen, and I'll explain it to you again..."

"Bailey! What part of 'never jump on the Stickley' don't you understand?!"

"I touched another squirrel's nuts. Any other questions?"

"Honey, could you grab the Bible? I need to double-check something."

'I'm sick and tired of begging!'

"You don't have to like it; just acknowledge it."

'Can't you just hand me a plastic worm?!'

Tony's dog always brought him to his slippers.

'When we were first married, he was all 'Cock-A-Doodle-Do.' Now, he's just 'Cock-A-Doodle-Don't.''

'Sorry darling, I'm too tired to lift you onto your pedestal tonight.'

"I'll start dancing like Fred Astaire, when you stop dancing like Nellie the Elephant!"

'I read where scientists say King Tut had a clubfoot and his parents may have bee siblings.'

Why Men Get Angry and Why Women Get Angry

'...I love it when you talk dirty!'

"I'm your hip replacement."

'Sorry I'm late: It's hard to keep track of time when you work in complete darkness...'

'What fresh hell is this? I just spent 50 grand on hair plugs.'

'It's no good telling me to eat my grees, Mum. You know I'm colour blind.'

Tantrum sex.

'You always insist on having the last word.'

'Nothing to worry about, Dear, just a little accident on the information superhighway.'

The Tumor with the 200lbs Man!