Comedy Partners Pillows

Frank and I are pretty compatible, but his sense of humor is different from mine. Oh, separated at mirth!

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

Stand-up Romcom

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

'He took from the rich and gave to the poor? It sounds like wealth redistribution.'

'Stop staring and make a wish!'

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

"That was Copernicus on the phone – he says you're NOT the centre of the universe!"

"My wife says she wants you to make me fit for purpose."

I thought I was proposing to Sally, but evidently I was challenging her to a twenty year series of debates.

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

Debbie greatly misinterpreted the marriage counselor's suggestion that she and Tom have a monthly 'date night.'

"Phil, honey, do you ever think about taking our relationship to the next level?"

'If I inspired this love peom, how come it's written on the back of a Hooters' napkin?'

' You're wonderful.' 'I know.'

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

'If you're going to marry this geek, I suggest you get the extended warranty.'

"He was a rescue."

So … how did you two meet?

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'

'There you go again...constantly snagging!'

'man trouble? What you need is a big piece of cake.'

'Can't you be happy without forever whistling?'

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

'You've had a bad day? Try being stuck in this house!'

'Wine improves my judgement. The urge to choke you lessens after a couple glasses of Chardonnay.'

Sadie, the way you objectify football players is unconscionable. It's what? All you talk about are their muscles, square jaws, animal intensity. Ooh. What? I live it when you get all puffed up and macho and tough. And what biceps. Much better. Well played. Girl does what she's got to.

"The secret of our relationship? Easy. She just acts as if I don't even exist."

"When I said 'I'm leaving' this morning I meant for the office"

Table for two. Whom does sir think he's kidding? You're right table for one. Menu.

"I followed the money and it led me to Edgar."

"But in the dream, ha ha, your family was normal, even that sociopath little brother of yours."

"....'Sickness, health? ... better, worse... richer, poorer?'... how about leaving me some wiggle room!"

The Eternal Consequence for Men Not Putting the Seat Down...

'Sharing the petrol costs didn't bother me, but I resent having to pay half for the condoms!'