Satirical Partners Pillows

'foreplay is restricted to ten minutes, that'll be a £75 fixed penalty!'

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

U of Debt

"See..? We told you there was nothing there..."

Skeptic Tank.

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

"What's wrong with swallowing up other companies?"

Next gen pregnancy tests.

"She wishes to range free!"

So I guess the moral of Hansel and Gretel is always carry your cell phone!

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

"Your taxes,pension and health deductions have exceeded your wages - here's your bill."

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

Limerick On A Grecian Urn

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

Novak Djokovic has his visa denied to play in Australia as he is unvaccinated

"If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?"

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

Police film evidence

'Sure, real estate prices are sky-high, but kings don't sell their castles, and that's that.'

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'

"It's somehow comforting to witness a revival of the classics in motivational technique."

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

The White House: Some Assembly Required.