Satirical Partners Gifts

'foreplay is restricted to ten minutes, that'll be a £75 fixed penalty!'

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Novel

"See..? We told you there was nothing there..."

U of Debt

Skeptic Tank.

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

So I guess the moral of Hansel and Gretel is always carry your cell phone!

"It's good to know she was butchered for a noble cause."

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"What's wrong with swallowing up other companies?"

Next gen pregnancy tests.

"She wishes to range free!"

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

"Your taxes,pension and health deductions have exceeded your wages - here's your bill."

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

"If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?"

'Sure, real estate prices are sky-high, but kings don't sell their castles, and that's that.'

Novak Djokovic has his visa denied to play in Australia as he is unvaccinated

'Take us to your crash test facilities. We're here to liberate our compatriots!'

The Great Leap Forward

Limerick On A Grecian Urn

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

Police film evidence

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'

The White House: Some Assembly Required.

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'