Comedic Partner Pillows

'I wasn't in a bar!! I smell like smoke because I've been going down chimneys all flippin' night!'

Searching for condom.

'Marriage gives me special privileges you know.' - 'Yes, but only with your own wife.'

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

Diving Cat.

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

"The blow drier is broken."

"Anyone else would have ship wrecked us on a south seas island."

"Tia Carmen, I think I'm growing up. I ate five slices of cold pizza at 3 in the morning...and I woke up with a stomachache."

'Things haven't been the same since the alien abduction.'

"I know I said, 'If there's anything I can do,' but I draw the line on licking your incision for you."

"....'Sickness, health? ... better, worse... richer, poorer?'... how about leaving me some wiggle room!"

'Your dinner's in the microwave.'

'The oceans are vast, yet we never go anywhere!'

'If you don't plan on snacking in between meals, then why did move the fridge in here?'

"Alien life-form or not, those dishes won't wash themselves up!"

'Hey babe, I got two tickets to the gun show, you interested?'

"You lick, I'll dry."

'You told me I should run the house like a business, so what am I bid for dinner?'

Why Men Get Angry and Why Women Get Angry

'We finally found a way to break the deadlock in our negotiations. I'll need a deck of cards and some poker chips.'

'That holiday I booked for my wife to the Galapagos Islands? She found her way back, so can we try another destination?'

'The answer is yes - I'll sign your pre-nuptial agreement.'

"You ever notice how heavy your head is?"

"Well, I think they fit perfectly."

'How can I miss you if you won't go away!'

'How about some marital counselling, hon? Should we grab some while we're in this aisle?' 'No, we're fine on that.'

'My dad warned me about fellas like you!'

'Why don't you put your money in the Bank, instead of stuffing it under the mattress?'

Shelly and Marv took Most Hirsute Husband for the third year running with their sensational 'scrub the floor' routine.

"You don't need tech support. You have those on backwards."