Comedic Companions Pillows

"You know times are tough when a rugged voice saying 'We're all in this together' dubbed over footage of an SUV snaking down a mountain road is comforting."

"I heard they mate for life."

Diving Cat.

Of course your master calls you 'Man's best friend'. As your attorney I advise you to get it in writing.

'You had better eat those intestinal organs or there's no dessert for you!'

Best friends without borders.

'You said I should check back with you if I didn't get any better. . .'

"I know I said, 'If there's anything I can do,' but I draw the line on licking your incision for you."

'Your dinner's in the microwave.'

'The oceans are vast, yet we never go anywhere!'

"Anyone else would have ship wrecked us on a south seas island."

'Things haven't been the same since the alien abduction.'

"Tia Carmen, I think I'm growing up. I ate five slices of cold pizza at 3 in the morning...and I woke up with a stomachache."

"Do you prefer lavender scent or strawberry?"

"....'Sickness, health? ... better, worse... richer, poorer?'... how about leaving me some wiggle room!"

"Listen, and I'll explain it to you again..."

'If you don't plan on snacking in between meals, then why did move the fridge in here?'

"I touched another squirrel's nuts. Any other questions?"

'I'm sick and tired of begging!'

'I thought you said inflatables were allowed on the beach.'

Why Men Get Angry and Why Women Get Angry

'How can I miss you if you won't go away!'

Searching for condom.

"Sure, it's disgusting, but it's nice to have something that needs me."

"You ever notice how heavy your head is?"

"Well, I think they fit perfectly."

'The answer is yes - I'll sign your pre-nuptial agreement.'

McHappy

'That holiday I booked for my wife to the Galapagos Islands? She found her way back, so can we try another destination?'

"The doctor said I need to shop around for a casket. I asked for a second opinion and he suggested cremation."

'Well, I don't happen to believe you went there.'