Comedian's Companion Pillows

Compulsive liars annual reunion: No, I couldn't make it either.

'You had better eat those intestinal organs or there's no dessert for you!'

'I'm sick and tired of begging!'

"I touched another squirrel's nuts. Any other questions?"

Your house is so dark, it's hard to read your body language. Try Braille.

'It's no good telling me to eat my grees, Mum. You know I'm colour blind.'

'Your father told you to look both ways when crossing a four lane highway?'

'You said I should check back with you if I didn't get any better. . .'

'What fresh hell is this? I just spent 50 grand on hair plugs.'

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Showbiz Awards

Zombie standup

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

12 O'clock was 'I'm a tractor time.'

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

'The circle is complete!'

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

'Your French dip, sir.'

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

Trump pardons

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

"We're following Carrot Top."