Comedian Friend Pillows

'Would you say your glass is half empty or half full?' 'Whose round is it?'

"That's very deep house."

"Hey, big guy. Can I buy you a pair of underpants?"

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Showbiz Awards

Zombie standup

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

12 O'clock was 'I'm a tractor time.'

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

Trump pardons

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

'The circle is complete!'

'Your French dip, sir.'

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

"We're following Carrot Top."

If a bunch of crazy red headed clowns come out that door...Run like you've never ran before!

The Rooster Comedian.

No-Work Orange

A Guide to Balloon Animals