Comedian's Ally Pillows

"Relax, release and let go...."

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

What say we rough it today and go without ice in our drinks!

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

Another day at work would be one too many...

“...And on the ninth day God created mosquitoes, just to annoy the hell out of everyone.”

'He took from the rich and gave to the poor? It sounds like wealth redistribution.'

Rap music

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Toy plane with pilot eject.

"He's declared it an area of natural beauty"

'When you said you had an investment in gold, you didn't mention it was in your teeth!'

A private jet takes off

Exit Next Left

'That's funny, everybody else is going downstream.'

'After the tone, please leave your name and number.'

"Such a refreshing day...I've spent 18 hours between napping and comatose."

"Over millions of years, carbon turns to diamond. Yet it took dad plus his grill mere minutes to turn last night's marinated chicken into that carbon."

'Well, if nothing else, Brad, your wine selection does prove you have a sense of humor.'

'Shall we bother with the sweet, chubby-chops?'

'Would you say your glass is half empty or half full?' 'Whose round is it?'

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

Clubbing

'You had better eat those intestinal organs or there's no dessert for you!'

"Do we really need the interactive garbage disposer?"

Car leaving highway crashes through 'EXIT HERE' sign.

Midwest Winter Items.

Mo's Meet The Predators Safari Tours.

'What did I SAY to DAVE?' - A person with hangover worrying about the night before.

"What is a drag queen's goal?"

Ostrich's head buried into a pile of sand containing a woman