Humorous Friend Pillows

'I didn't spend $49.95 on this answering machine to have you just hang up so leave a message!'

Robinia Floribunda

"The difference between us and them is...they can be reproduced by unskilled labour."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

A Punch and Judy Professor is visited by Death as a puppet.

Man needs to buy excuse for missing work from vending machine.

At the mobile tracking test lab.

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

"I'm excited to get fixed at the vet, had no idea I was broken."

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

'Would you say your glass is half empty or half full?' 'Whose round is it?'

Teacher's sign in Philosophy class reads: 'Think', Sign in Science class reads 'Thunk' as student falls over.

"Must we have ten minutes blasphemy every night?"

"He's starting to flag a bit"

"...and in conclusion..."

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

"Maybe if we had better teachers we could learn new tricks."

'Great! You mean it's obedience school prom season already!'

Jane and Tarzan's wedding.

C'mon boy, speak! Speak!

"Mr. Sherman, you hired our team of management consultants to stremline your enterprise, and that is precisely what we are doing."

"Every five minutes it's 'feed me this, get me that' or something along those lines, I mean, I'm parrot-phrasing."

Have you seen Dorothy lately? She's sooo over the rainbow!

A parrot business meeting

Nature gave some animals weak eyes for a good reason. Never buy your pet rhino bifocals.

"You'll be in charge of the music down here."

"Ya know, it wouldn’t kill you to bark."

Death reads a bedtime story.

"Don't get too excited. Getting a filling does not make you a cyborg."

"Talking's ok but to me walking on your hind legs is simply taking anthropomorphism a bit too far."

"I hope you're not allergic to cats...Fluffy just loves visitors!"

"Now where did I park my car?"