Friend Who Enjoys Humor Pillows

C'mon boy, speak! Speak!

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Skeleton playing fetch.

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

A Punch and Judy Professor is visited by Death as a puppet.

Man needs to buy excuse for missing work from vending machine.

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

"I'm excited to get fixed at the vet, had no idea I was broken."

At the mobile tracking test lab.

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

'Would you say your glass is half empty or half full?' 'Whose round is it?'

"He's starting to flag a bit"

Teacher's sign in Philosophy class reads: 'Think', Sign in Science class reads 'Thunk' as student falls over.

"...and in conclusion..."

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

"The difference between us and them is...they can be reproduced by unskilled labour."

"Maybe if we had better teachers we could learn new tricks."

Jane and Tarzan's wedding.

'Great! You mean it's obedience school prom season already!'

"Mr. Sherman, you hired our team of management consultants to stremline your enterprise, and that is precisely what we are doing."

Have you seen Dorothy lately? She's sooo over the rainbow!

'He thinks he's the cat's meow ever since he was made department head.'

"Every five minutes it's 'feed me this, get me that' or something along those lines, I mean, I'm parrot-phrasing."

"I knew Mary would dump me when my fleece got a little gray."

A parrot business meeting

Nature gave some animals weak eyes for a good reason. Never buy your pet rhino bifocals.

'I didn't spend $49.95 on this answering machine to have you just hang up so leave a message!'

"Ya know, it wouldn’t kill you to bark."

"Talking's ok but to me walking on your hind legs is simply taking anthropomorphism a bit too far."

Robinia Floribunda

"Don't get too excited. Getting a filling does not make you a cyborg."