Humor-loving Friend Pillows

I've got a gun.

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

10 K Tail-Chase

Man has a picture of a rolls on his garage door...the car inside is very different.

Bears going water skiing.

A shop selling "Ice-cold Vodka" in 31 flavors.

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

"Halloween is the perfect time to land on Earth. Nobody will notice us and we can get free candy."

A Punch and Judy Professor is visited by Death as a puppet.

Man needs to buy excuse for missing work from vending machine.

At the mobile tracking test lab.

'Whatever surprise he's cooking up for you, I'm sure you've a good sense of humour!'

"I'm excited to get fixed at the vet, had no idea I was broken."

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

"Must we have ten minutes blasphemy every night?"

Clown Happy Hour

"He's starting to flag a bit"

Teacher's sign in Philosophy class reads: 'Think', Sign in Science class reads 'Thunk' as student falls over.

"...and in conclusion..."

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

"Happy Birthday - I saw this and thought of you."

"The difference between us and them is...they can be reproduced by unskilled labour."

"The world revolves around my cat."

"Maybe if we had better teachers we could learn new tricks."

'Get the theatre ready we got another one from the cocktail bar.'

Yep, I started out as a dog groomer.

'Bernie, you're not gonna have anything disgusting to hurl at zoo visitors if you forget this.'

'Great! You mean it's obedience school prom season already!'

St Bernard with Cappucino, Espresso, and Latte.