Friend With A Quirky Sense Of Humor Pillows

'I was just about to ask you to sit on my lap!'

"Can I call you back, Rusty, I'm in the jacuzzi."

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Skeleton playing fetch.

Man has a picture of a rolls on his garage door...the car inside is very different.

A shop selling "Ice-cold Vodka" in 31 flavors.

Bears going water skiing.

"Halloween is the perfect time to land on Earth. Nobody will notice us and we can get free candy."

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

Man needs to buy excuse for missing work from vending machine.

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

'Whatever surprise he's cooking up for you, I'm sure you've a good sense of humour!'

At the mobile tracking test lab.

"I'm excited to get fixed at the vet, had no idea I was broken."

"...and in conclusion..."

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

"Must we have ten minutes blasphemy every night?"

Clown Happy Hour

"You're suffering from extreme laziness."

"He's starting to flag a bit"

Teacher's sign in Philosophy class reads: 'Think', Sign in Science class reads 'Thunk' as student falls over.

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

"Happy Birthday - I saw this and thought of you."

Shall I be mother?

"The difference between us and them is...they can be reproduced by unskilled labour."

"Maybe if we had better teachers we could learn new tricks."

'Get the theatre ready we got another one from the cocktail bar.'

C'mon boy, speak! Speak!

St Bernard with Cappucino, Espresso, and Latte.

"Fusilli, you crazy bastard! How are you?"