Friend With A Wry Sense Of Humor Pillows

"Mr. Sherman, you hired our team of management consultants to stremline your enterprise, and that is precisely what we are doing."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Skeleton playing fetch.

Dog Dressed to Eat

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

Pin the blame on the donkey.

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

Man needs to buy excuse for missing work from vending machine.

"I'm excited to get fixed at the vet, had no idea I was broken."

Dog wearing jumper to hide his spots.

"He's starting to flag a bit"

"Must we have ten minutes blasphemy every night?"

Teacher's sign in Philosophy class reads: 'Think', Sign in Science class reads 'Thunk' as student falls over.

"You're suffering from extreme laziness."

"...and in conclusion..."

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

"The difference between us and them is...they can be reproduced by unskilled labour."

Shall I be mother?

"Maybe if we had better teachers we could learn new tricks."

C'mon boy, speak! Speak!

'Your disgusting behaviour has been almost human in nature!'

"You're doing great boy! Just don't bark."

Have you seen Dorothy lately? She's sooo over the rainbow!

'It's her signature dish.'

Nature gave some animals weak eyes for a good reason. Never buy your pet rhino bifocals.

"You'll be in charge of the music down here."

'Wanna play? We need another body... er... one more player.'

'I didn't spend $49.95 on this answering machine to have you just hang up so leave a message!'

"Ya know, it wouldn’t kill you to bark."

Robinia Floribunda

"Don't get too excited. Getting a filling does not make you a cyborg."

What to do if a rhino owes you money....

"I hope you're not allergic to cats...Fluffy just loves visitors!"