Friend With A Wry Sense Of Humor Gifts

"Mr. Sherman, you hired our team of management consultants to stremline your enterprise, and that is precisely what we are doing."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Skeleton playing fetch.

Dog Dressed to Eat

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

Pin the blame on the donkey.

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

"And I suppose you expect me to pick that up?"

Man needs to buy excuse for missing work from vending machine.

Dog wearing jumper to hide his spots.

"I'm excited to get fixed at the vet, had no idea I was broken."

Teacher's sign in Philosophy class reads: 'Think', Sign in Science class reads 'Thunk' as student falls over.

"He's starting to flag a bit"

"You're suffering from extreme laziness."

"...and in conclusion..."

"Must we have ten minutes blasphemy every night?"

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

"The difference between us and them is...they can be reproduced by unskilled labour."

Shall I be mother?

"The world revolves around my cat."

"Maybe if we had better teachers we could learn new tricks."

C'mon boy, speak! Speak!

'Bernie, you're not gonna have anything disgusting to hurl at zoo visitors if you forget this.'

'Your disgusting behaviour has been almost human in nature!'

'It's her signature dish.'

Nature gave some animals weak eyes for a good reason. Never buy your pet rhino bifocals.

"You're doing great boy! Just don't bark."

Have you seen Dorothy lately? She's sooo over the rainbow!

"You'll be in charge of the music down here."

'Wanna play? We need another body... er... one more player.'

'I didn't spend $49.95 on this answering machine to have you just hang up so leave a message!'

What to do if a rhino owes you money....

Robinia Floribunda

"Don't get too excited. Getting a filling does not make you a cyborg."

"Ya know, it wouldn’t kill you to bark."