Friend With A Good Sense Of Humor Gifts

'Bernie, you're not gonna have anything disgusting to hurl at zoo visitors if you forget this.'

'There are two possibilities -- either you're sixty pounds overweight, or you're a hairless grizzly bear.'

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

A Punch and Judy Professor is visited by Death as a puppet.

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

Man needs to buy excuse for missing work from vending machine.

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

At the mobile tracking test lab.

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

"I'm excited to get fixed at the vet, had no idea I was broken."

"You're suffering from extreme laziness."

Teacher's sign in Philosophy class reads: 'Think', Sign in Science class reads 'Thunk' as student falls over.

"...and in conclusion..."

"He's starting to flag a bit"

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

"The difference between us and them is...they can be reproduced by unskilled labour."

Shall I be mother?

"The world revolves around my cat."

"Maybe if we had better teachers we could learn new tricks."

C'mon boy, speak! Speak!

Jane and Tarzan's wedding.

'Great! You mean it's obedience school prom season already!'

Pope Kimba XXIII.

"Mr. Sherman, you hired our team of management consultants to stremline your enterprise, and that is precisely what we are doing."

"The test results have come back - you ARE a t**t."

"It requires so much less work than a dog."

"Every five minutes it's 'feed me this, get me that' or something along those lines, I mean, I'm parrot-phrasing."

Nature gave some animals weak eyes for a good reason. Never buy your pet rhino bifocals.

"As president of the tenants' association, I have to inform you that our list of grievances has been eaten."

A parrot business meeting

Have you seen Dorothy lately? She's sooo over the rainbow!

Fido phones