Friend With A Unique Sense Of Humor Gifts

"That's Jake, Bethany, Stuart, and at the end their imaginary dad."

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Skeleton playing fetch.

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

Man needs to buy excuse for missing work from vending machine.

"I'm excited to get fixed at the vet, had no idea I was broken."

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

At the mobile tracking test lab.

Teacher's sign in Philosophy class reads: 'Think', Sign in Science class reads 'Thunk' as student falls over.

"Must we have ten minutes blasphemy every night?"

"...and in conclusion..."

"You're suffering from extreme laziness."

"He's starting to flag a bit"

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

Shall I be mother?

"The difference between us and them is...they can be reproduced by unskilled labour."

"The world revolves around my cat."

"Maybe if we had better teachers we could learn new tricks."

'Bernie, you're not gonna have anything disgusting to hurl at zoo visitors if you forget this.'

C'mon boy, speak! Speak!

Jane and Tarzan's wedding.

"Mr. Sherman, you hired our team of management consultants to stremline your enterprise, and that is precisely what we are doing."

A parrot business meeting

Nature gave some animals weak eyes for a good reason. Never buy your pet rhino bifocals.

Have you seen Dorothy lately? She's sooo over the rainbow!

"You'll be in charge of the music down here."

'I didn't spend $49.95 on this answering machine to have you just hang up so leave a message!'

Robinia Floribunda

"Don't get too excited. Getting a filling does not make you a cyborg."

"Ya know, it wouldn’t kill you to bark."

"I hope you're not allergic to cats...Fluffy just loves visitors!"

"I don't think I'm quite ready for Satan sings the blues!"

'You've been smarting off a lot lately -- Have you been fooling around with that 'Tree of Knowledge'?'

"You just had to ask him how he was doing, didn't you?"