Friend Who Loves Humor Pillows

"Maybe if we had better teachers we could learn new tricks."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Teacher's sign in Philosophy class reads: 'Think', Sign in Science class reads 'Thunk' as student falls over.

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

A Punch and Judy Professor is visited by Death as a puppet.

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

Man needs to buy excuse for missing work from vending machine.

"I'm excited to get fixed at the vet, had no idea I was broken."

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

At the mobile tracking test lab.

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

'Would you say your glass is half empty or half full?' 'Whose round is it?'

"He's starting to flag a bit"

"Must we have ten minutes blasphemy every night?"

"...and in conclusion..."

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

"The difference between us and them is...they can be reproduced by unskilled labour."

C'mon boy, speak! Speak!

Jane and Tarzan's wedding.

'Great! You mean it's obedience school prom season already!'

"Mr. Sherman, you hired our team of management consultants to stremline your enterprise, and that is precisely what we are doing."

Scientist discover a new superbug

Nature gave some animals weak eyes for a good reason. Never buy your pet rhino bifocals.

Have you seen Dorothy lately? She's sooo over the rainbow!

'He thinks he's the cat's meow ever since he was made department head.'

A parrot business meeting

"Every five minutes it's 'feed me this, get me that' or something along those lines, I mean, I'm parrot-phrasing."

"You'll be in charge of the music down here."

'I didn't spend $49.95 on this answering machine to have you just hang up so leave a message!'

"Ya know, it wouldn’t kill you to bark."

Robinia Floribunda

"Don't get too excited. Getting a filling does not make you a cyborg."

"Talking's ok but to me walking on your hind legs is simply taking anthropomorphism a bit too far."

"I hope you're not allergic to cats...Fluffy just loves visitors!"