Friend Who Loves Humor Pillows

"Maybe if we had better teachers we could learn new tricks."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

You know, the leash really isn't necessary.

Teacher's sign in Philosophy class reads: 'Think', Sign in Science class reads 'Thunk' as student falls over.

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

You're dead to me, Marsha. And that's just the way I like it."

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

A Punch and Judy Professor is visited by Death as a puppet.

Man needs to buy excuse for missing work from vending machine.

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

"I'm excited to get fixed at the vet, had no idea I was broken."

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

At the mobile tracking test lab.

'Would you say your glass is half empty or half full?' 'Whose round is it?'

"...and in conclusion..."

"Must we have ten minutes blasphemy every night?"

"He's starting to flag a bit"

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

"The difference between us and them is...they can be reproduced by unskilled labour."

"The world revolves around my cat."

'Great! You mean it's obedience school prom season already!'

C'mon boy, speak! Speak!

'Bernie, you're not gonna have anything disgusting to hurl at zoo visitors if you forget this.'

Jane and Tarzan's wedding.

"Mr. Sherman, you hired our team of management consultants to stremline your enterprise, and that is precisely what we are doing."

Scientist discover a new superbug

"Every five minutes it's 'feed me this, get me that' or something along those lines, I mean, I'm parrot-phrasing."

A parrot business meeting

'He thinks he's the cat's meow ever since he was made department head.'

Nature gave some animals weak eyes for a good reason. Never buy your pet rhino bifocals.

Have you seen Dorothy lately? She's sooo over the rainbow!

"You'll be in charge of the music down here."

Fido phones

'I didn't spend $49.95 on this answering machine to have you just hang up so leave a message!'

"Ya know, it wouldn’t kill you to bark."